


For Your Own Good

by Miss_Bennet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A tiny bit of fluff, Angst, Cliche, Friends to Lovers, I like to have fluff for dessert, M/M, Male Slash, Marauders' Era, Pining, Smut, after a whole meal of angst and some smut on top, just a little, just very basic really, mmm yes, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 05:13:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7030357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Bennet/pseuds/Miss_Bennet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius has inappropriate thoughts about his friend, and he tries his best to get over it. But by struggling with denial and attempting to shield Remus away from himself, he only makes it worse. Can he finally face the truth and confess his feelings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Your Own Good

**Author's Note:**

> The rating is for adult language and some sexual activities.  
> I love this trope so much. Don't judge me. Friends to lovers is the best.

Pretending to listen to Remus Lupin as he explained History of Magic was a bizarre experience. Sirius felt hypnotized by the werewolf’s lips, he couldn’t help but stare at them. Those thin lips moved quickly, with determination, knowing exactly what they were talking about. Sirius wondered why they looked so familiar to him – did he ever catch himself staring at them before? Is it just because he knew his friend’s face very well? Did he ever stare at James’ lips? At Peter’s lips?  
“Are you even listening to me?” he heard Remus say.  
“Yes, of course,” Sirius shook his head a little to wake himself from the dazed state he was in, “Goblins. They hate us. Wars and such.”  
“Merlin, did I lose you at _Goblins_? That was about forty minutes ago. We might have to start over.”  
“No!” Sirius protested, “this is all so dull, I can’t concentrate. Can we have a break?”  
Remus sighed loudly, “I’m concerned about your academic achievements, “ he said.  
“Why? _I’m_ not concerned about my academic achievements.”  
“Exactly,” Remus smacked him lightly on the head with a textbook, “someone has to be.”  
“Can we just take a break for a little while? I need to show you that thing I found anyway, it won’t take long.”  
“Fine,” Remus gave in, “but then we go right back to studying. If James can get this material, so can you.”  
The moment he agreed, Sirius lit up as if he was a firework just waiting for a spark. Anything was better than studying.

As they walked up the moving staircase, Sirius explained. “I don’t think it’s very useful,” he said, “but I’m pretty sure it’s worthy of being added to the map.”  
They finally reached the correct floor and found themselves in an empty corridor. Sirius made sure that nobody was looking, then he turned his attention to what appeared to be a plain stone wall. He reached up to touch a small indentation in the stone, and when he finally found it he turned to look at Remus. “Alright,” he said, “this only works for a few seconds, we have to be quick. I almost got stuck in the wall last time.”  
He grabbed Remus’ hand and pushed the indentation in the stone, pulling Remus after him through the wall. They found themselves in a very narrow and dark passage, standing face to face, a little too close to each other.

“What just happened?” Remus asked, leaning back against the brick wall.  
“Apparently there’s this passage behind the wall,” Sirius said, “I found a spot that allows you to walk through it, for a few moments. Then it’s solid again, but as you can see, it’s still see-through from the inside.”  
Remus examined the wall they just went through. It was like looking through a thin veil. He could still recognize the stone, but he could clearly see into the corridor. “I see,” he said, “but where does this passage even lead to?”  
“Well,” Sirius sighed, “it leads nowhere, that’s why it’s a bit useless. It just ends with a brick wall, and it’s rather narrow as well. But I thought... Maybe this could be a good hiding place? I don’t know, we might use it in a prank someday.”  
“Sure,” Remus shrugged, “you should show it to James, his imagination would certainly be appreciated in this case.”

They looked at each other for a moment, and Sirius was now very aware of the little distance between them. He wouldn’t even have to fully outstretch his arm to touch Remus. The darkness around them didn’t help, it created the feeling that they were completely alone, and there was a great sense of intimacy between them.  
Remus cleared his throat. “So is - is that it?” he asked, his voice surprisingly unsteady, “is that all you wanted to show me?”  
Sirius opened his mouth to answer, but he was seized by a sudden urge that unsettled him. More than anything, at that very moment, he wanted to move forward and pin Remus to the wall, kiss him on those lips he was staring at earlier, put his hands in Remus’ hair –

“Sirius?” Remus raised his eyebrows, “are you alright?”  
Sirius was struck with how inappropriate his thoughts were. His friend was right there in front of him, talking to him, and he was fantasizing about snogging him against a wall. Thanking the darkness for covering up the color of his cheeks, Sirius finally spoke. “Yeah,” he attempted to smile, “I just thought about something. But yes, that’s all I wanted you to see. We can go back now.”  
Remus examined his face a while longer, clearly not convinced, but finally he said “well, how do we get out of here?”  
“Oh,” Sirius smiled, “there’s a loose brick, it’s right there.”

The loose brick was above Remus’ head on the wall behind him, and Sirius made the mistake of leaning forward and reaching up, finding himself so close to Remus that he had to hold his breath. Finally, he pushed the brick in and stepped through the wall, Remus following close behind him.  
“Alright then,” said Remus, “can we go back to History of Magic now?”  
Sirius couldn't go back to studying. He needed to be alone, to think everything through and forget about what just happened.  
“There’s something I have to do,” he said, “we’ll finish later, okay? Sorry mate.”  
And without another word of explanation, he left.

* * *

Sirius Black was impossible to understand.  
Remus threw himself onto his bed, shutting his eyes with frustration.

He’d had this crush on Sirius for quite a while, but now it went a little too far. Sure, this whole time had been pure hell for him, since Sirius was a very physical, oblivious person. He hugged everyone, touched everyone, didn’t care much for personal space – and it was very hard for Remus to tell himself “don’t overreact, he does that with everyone else” every time Sirius so much as touched him. Now, however, it got completely out of hand. Sirius constantly stared at him, which he was aware of since it used to be the other way around, and now he couldn’t as much as glance at Sirius without catching him staring. He also kept dazing off and getting distracted, and a confused, distracted Sirius was cute and hot in a way Remus couldn’t explain. The worst part of it all was that once in a while Remus would get his hopes up.

He tried very hard to avoid it, but he just couldn’t help it with the way Sirius looked at him. And yet every single time, just as he thought that there might be something there, Sirius would freak out and run away as if he was poisonous. Remus couldn’t blame Sirius – he knew that Remus was gay, and it was only natural that he’d feel uncomfortable being too close to him, right? Even though James and Peter never seemed to mind, perhaps Sirius was more uncomfortable with Remus’ sexuality than he was willing to admit. He felt a little hurt, but he knew that he couldn’t blame Sirius, he wasn’t doing it on purpose.

The incident in that new secret passageway was more than upsetting to Remus. Once again, he thought that he saw something in Sirius’ eyes. He even thought – how silly of him – that Sirius was looking at his lips. But of course, he was just trying to pretend that he wasn’t uncomfortable, for Remus’ sake.  
“Have you seen Padfoot?” asked James, who just walked into the room.  
“Yes,” Remus rolled over to look at him, “he showed me something, but then he ran away.”  
“Huh?”  
“A passageway,” Remus explained, “he found one. He needs to show it to you as well. But then he said that he had to do something.”  
“Right,” James chuckled, “more like had to do _someone_. He probably went off to snog that girl – Maddie?”  
“I think it’s Maggie,” Remus sighed, “and you’re probably right. Why do you need him?”  
“I have a brilliant idea,” James grinned as he sat down on Remus’ bed, “it’s going to be fantastic.”  
“Oh no,” Remus sat up, “you have a terrible idea. I know that because you have _that look_ in your eyes.”  
“What look?”  
“I'd say it's the spark of mischief – but not the casual one that you get five times a day, I’m talking about the crazy one, the one you get once in a while when you have some ridiculous idea that will certainly end with all of us in detention and there’s absolutely no reason to do it.”  
“I swear this idea is perfect.”  
“Just like all of your ideas.”  
“Hear me out,” James said excitedly, “we’re going to turn the second-floor corridor into a jungle.”  
Remus blinked.  
“Honestly, Prongs, how do you even get those stupid ideas? What are your motives? Why on earth would we want a jungle on the second floor?”  
“I did some research,” said James, “and I found this potion that has an interesting side effect when combined with this charm…”  
“The only interesting thing about this is how you’re only interested in research when there’s a prank involved,” Remus muttered.  
“The results are supposed to be spectacular! I can’t wait to see it. I’ll start brewing the potion tomorrow, but it’ll take a few days. I think we’ll do the prank on Tuesday, we’ll have to do it very early in the morning…”  
“Wait, Tuesday? I don’t think it’s wise.”  
“The rest of it isn’t wise either, Moony. Nothing about it is _wise_ , we’re not doing it to be _wise_.”  
“No, James,” Remus sighed, “the full moon is on Wednesday.”  
“Oh,” James paused. He knew that Remus was always on edge a couple of days before the full moon. “No, it’s okay,” he said after a moment of thought, “I mean, we can do it alone.”  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Remus shook his head, “you know my policy on these things – I’ll oppose it until the last moment, but eventually I’ll be on board, to make sure you don’t get into too much trouble. I just thought… You know, I’d rather not risk it so close to the full moon.”  
“Well,” James patted him on the back, “think about it. I’ll brew the potion, and if you don’t feel like you’re ready this Tuesday, we’ll figure something out. Deal?”  
Remus smiled in return, although the thought still bothered him. He had so much to worry about.

* * *

Tuesday came around and Remus decided to do the prank anyway, because he was feeling fine and James was so excited about this that it was hard to refuse. So at 3:30am that morning, they were all up and making last minute arrangements.

“Alright,” James said, “so two of us will prepare the corridor itself, the other two need to be on Filch-duty until we finish. Clearly, I’ll be working on the corridor. Peter, Filch-duty?”  
“No way,” Peter protested, “I’ve been caught four times in a row, I’m terrible at running.”  
“Alright,” James shrugged, “so you’re with me. Padfoot and Moony, you’re the distraction this time.”  
Sirius seemed uneasy at the thought. “I can do it alone,” he said, “you can take Remus with you, he’ll help you finish faster. I can handle Filch.”  
Remus looked over at him, trying to hide how offended he was on the inside. Was Sirius so uncomfortable with being around him that he couldn’t even stand doing this part of a prank with him?  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” James dismissed him, “you’ll need to have each other’s backs. Peter and I will do perfectly well on our own. Now, who should have the cloak and who should take the map?”  
“They should have the map,” said Peter, “that way they’ll be one step ahead of Filch at all times, and they’ll play him easily. We have nothing to save us in case of emergency, so we should have the cloak.”  
“Good thinking,” James smiled, “it’s all settled then. Let’s go.”

Twenty minutes later, Sirius and Remus started playing cat and mouse with Filch, creating small diversions and keeping him away from the second floor. With the adrenaline of running and hiding, Remus forgot all about his worries and the way he felt when Sirius tried to avoid being alone with him.  
But then they turned to another corridor, and they could hear Filch right behind them, while they could see Mrs. Norris on the map from the other end of the corridor.

“We’re trapped,” said Remus breathlessly, “what do we do?”  
“I know,” said Sirius as he identified the wall that led to the secret passage he discovered, “come here.”  
He touched the indentation in the wall and they both squeezed into the narrow passage.  
They stood there, face to face, keeping quiet in the dark. They could see the light from Filch’s lantern as he illuminated the walls. Mrs. Norris joined him, and they went together the other way.  
“I think he’s go-“ Remus started to say, but Sirius immediately pressed a hand to his mouth to keep him quiet. The map fell to the floor then, and they both froze as they heard rapid footsteps coming their way.  
“Who’s there?” Filch called, frantically illuminating the corridor, “I heard you! You won’t get away!”

Remus still had Sirius’ hand pressed tightly against his lips. They stood extremely close to each other now, Remus basically pinned against the wall, both of them holding their breath. Finally, the light of the lantern was gone and so were the footsteps.  
Sirius let go of Remus’ mouth. “Sorry about that,” he whispered, “we almost got caught. We should wait for him to be gone for sure.”  
“You’re right,” Remus finally allowed himself to breathe, “I almost messed up the whole thing.”  
They stared at each other in silence. Sirius didn’t take a step back, and they were still so close to each other that Remus could feel Sirius’ breath on his skin.  
“Your tie is all crooked,” he mentioned, trying to get himself distracted from the thought of Sirius’ hot breath on him. He reached forward and corrected the crooked tie.  
“How can you see anything in this darkness?” Sirius whispered, “I can barely tell where your eyes are.”  
“I have great night vision,” Remus smiled, “it’s because I eat my vegetables.”  
“I just need to adjust,” said Sirius, “I think I can recognize your nose. Is that it?” Remus felt Sirius’ fingers touch the tip of his nose.  
“Yes,” he breathed, “it is.”  
“And so that’s your cheek,” Sirius’ hand softly stroke his cheek, “and those…”  
His thumb brushed against Remus’ lips, just barely touching them. Remus’ entire body felt like it was on fire. It was so silent in there that he could hear his own heartbeat, and to have Sirius touch his lips so tenderly was torture.

“We should check the map,” Sirius drew back very suddenly, “to make sure Filch isn’t heading down to the second floor.”  
“Right,” Remus recalled that the map fell to the floor and immediately knelt down to retrieve it. He found his face on the same level with Sirius’ crotch, which seemed oddly sexual considering the circumstances.  
“Umm,” Sirius sounded uncharacteristically nervous, “what… What are you doing?”  
“Picking up the map,” said Remus in a shaky voice as he found it on the floor and got up on his feet again.  
“Oh,” Sirius breathed out. They stared at each other for another moment, then Sirius took out his wand and illuminated the map.  
“Here he is,” Remus pointed a finger at Filch’s name, “oh no, he’s on the third floor. Heading down.”

They came out of the passage and ran downstairs, luckily catching Filch’s attention before he reached the second floor.  
They all finally met in their dormitory, rather exhausted from all of the work they had done.  
“Well,” said Sirius as he threw himself onto his bed, “did it work?”  
“We don’t know,” said James, “we’ll find out when we go to class. It takes a few hours to take effect, that’s why we went out so early.”  
“Alright,” Sirius sighed, “we have about an hour and a half to sleep, let’s do that.”

* * *

The prank was a success. They walked into the corridor that morning tired but satisfied, and James was rather excited. The corridor was completely transformed. There were gigantic trees with thick trunks, covered in vines. There were tall bushes and flowers, birds and exotic butterflies. Even the climate was different - the corridor was humid and warm, in complete contrast to the freezing cold outside. The students stared at it in awe.

“It’s beautiful!” James mused as they walked through their magical jungle, “it’s even better than what the book described! And there’s no way to reverse it other than to wait for its effect to wear off. Which will take at least a couple of days. Perfect!”  
“I feel queasy,” said Peter all of a sudden, steadying himself against the nearest tree, “my head is spinning real bad.”  
“Did you eat your breakfast?” Remus asked, noticing that Peter looked very pale, “you don’t look well.”  
“Something is definitely wrong,” James said, his face rapidly changing color as well.  
“What is it?” asked Sirius, clearly worried at this point. Then both Peter and James collapsed to the floor, causing panic in the corridor since the students thought it was a side effect of the jungle. After Remus and Sirius took the boys to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey interrogated them about the prank, suspecting that it had something to do with the potion they used. Remus confessed immediately and explained all about the potion.

“I see,” said Madam Pomfrey, “it’s nothing to worry about, but I think the boys came into contact with the potion and the side effects of the charms affected them as well.”  
“What does that mean?” Sirius asked.  
“The side effects are different for living creatures,” the nurse explained, “they will be extremely sick for a few days. I don’t think they’ll be able to even stand on their own. But the side effects will wear off, and they’ll be just fine.”  
As Remus and Sirius walked out of the hospital wing, Remus expressed his concerns.  
“It’s the full moon tomorrow,” he said, “and they won’t be able to be there.”  
“I guess it’s just you and me then,” said Sirius, and despite his obvious attempt to sound casual, Remus could tell he was concerned.  
“You don’t have to,” he said, “I think I can do it on my own this time. If you feel like you – “  
“No, shut up Moony,” Sirius’ voice sounded more stern than Remus expected, “of course I’m not going to let you experience that on your own, I’m not a monster. It’s okay, we can do it without them.”  
Remus nodded, although he had a terrible feeling about this.

* * *

Despite all of the worries, the full moon went rather smoothly for the two of them. Padfoot kept Moony occupied, and they managed to have an uneventful night. In the morning, as they got dressed and were ready to leave, Remus stopped Sirius to ask him a question.

“Are you okay?” he asked.  
Sirius raised his eyebrows at this. “Yes,” he said, “why wouldn’t I be?”  
“I noticed that, um,” Remus took a deep breath and Sirius felt the panic seize his heart, “you’ve been acting… As if you’re uncomfortable around me. Especially when we’re alone. I don’t know whether it has anything to do with my sexuality, but if it does – “  
“Oh, no,” Sirius felt great relief as he realized that Remus didn’t know about his feelings, “it’s not that. It’s not you, specifically. I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. I’m just a little… Unable to concentrate. And sometimes I’m lost in thought and then I find myself in a certain situation, and I can’t remember how I got there.”  
“Oh,” Remus exhaled with what seemed like relief, “I thought I did something wrong. Well, what is it with you anyway? Is it that Maggie girl?”  
_Who the fuck is Maggie?_ Sirius thought to himself. “Yes, definitely,” he said out loud, “that girl is driving me crazy. I’m constantly thinking about her. And her tits.”

“She’s rather flat-chested,” Remus remarked.  
“I like small tits,” Sirius said at once, “they fit perfectly in my hand. As I caress them. While we are doing… You know. Sexual activities.”  
“Yes,” said Remus dryly, “there’s really no need to go into details.”  
Sirius faked a small laugh and turned to leave. He noticed that Remus wasn’t following him.  
“Are you coming?”  
“I just need a minute,” said Remus, leaning back against the wall, “I’m having a little… A little meltdown.”  
Sirius knew that this happened every once in a while. Sometimes Remus was on edge during the days that led to the full moon. Other times he completely lost it on the morning after. He usually asked for privacy during those moments, and they let him have it. But this time Sirius was there, and he could see the expression of anxiety on Remus’ face, and he couldn’t leave him to deal with this alone.  
“Are you alright, mate?” Sirius took a step towards him. Remus looked up at him for a moment, and then he sank to the floor and started sobbing loudly into his hands.

Sirius froze in shock for a moment, not expecting such an immediate reaction. It took him a few seconds to get himself together, and then he sat down beside the young werewolf, trying to comfort him. There were no words in the English language that could possibly make Remus stop feeling the way he felt at those instances, and Sirius knew that. So he said nothing. He simply wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him into a comforting embrace, letting him take it all out in the form of tears.  
“It’s okay,” he whispered softly into Remus’ hair, “let it out. Let it all out.”  
They sat like that for a while, with Remus trying to calm down and Sirius waiting patiently.

At last, Remus stopped crying, but neither of them let go of the embrace. Absentmindedly, Sirius pressed a small kiss onto the top of Remus’ head. He only realized what he did when he felt Remus stiffen in his arms.  
“Um, did you… Did you just kiss my head?” Remus asked quietly, not looking at him.  
“No,” Sirius lied, silently ordering his heart to stop beating so fast since Remus could certainly hear it, “I just – er – leaned my head against yours.”  
“Oh,” Remus breathed out, “okay. Sorry, I don’t know why I thought that.”  
As Sirius looked down at the shaking Remus in his arms, he realized something terrible. This wasn’t just a crush. He didn’t simply crave Remus’ lips or his naked body. It wasn’t just a stupid impulse, his teenage mind controlled by his hormones. He was completely and utterly in love with one of his male best friends. This realization sank heavily inside of him, and he felt terrible.  
“Fuck,” Sirius blurted out.  
Remus pulled back from their embrace and looked at him. “What’s wrong?”  
Sirius was caught off guard, so he said the first thing that came to his mind. “I told Mandy that I’ll meet her for breakfast today. I completely forgot.”  
“Mandy?” Remus cocked his head to the side in confusion, “do you mean _Maggie_?”  
“Yes! I can’t even remember her name, she’s going to kill me.”  
“Well, you better go see her then.”  
“But... Are you okay?”  
“Yes,” Remus smiled, “I’m fine. Go ahead.”  
“Are you sure? I can ditch her and – “  
“Just go already.”  
Sirius then nodded and walked out of there, leaving Remus to sulk over his uncontrollable attraction to Sirius and how stupid he made himself look in front of him moments ago.

* * *

“What are we doing here?” a confused yet excited Maggie was pulled into an empty classroom and the door was locked behind them.  
“Guess,” Sirius turned to face her and put on his best smirk, “hint – it does not involve studying. It also does not involve clothes.”  
Maggie giggled loudly. “I lost all hope that this moment would ever come,” she said, hopping onto a desk, “Sirius Black, bringing me into an empty classroom.”  
Sirius reached to take off his tie as he approached her, but Maggie stopped him. “Leave the tie on,” she said in half a whisper as she unbuttoned his shirt, “it’s sexy.”  
They started making out a little too forcefully and Sirius tried his best to concentrate on what was happening – Maggie’s bright blue bra around her admittedly small breasts, her dark red lips leaving lipstick marks down his neck, her slender fingers reaching into his boxers to fish out his cock.  
As she firmly grasped it and gave it a few experimental strokes, she pulled back from their kiss to look at him. “Um, is everything alright?” she asked.  
“Sure,” said Sirius, frustrated, “why?”  
“Well…” she glanced down at his cock in her hand, which was still rather soft.  
“Oh,” Sirius raised his eyebrows, “that never happened before. Just… Come here.”

Sirius pulled her back into the kiss. This time, he couldn’t help it. He closed his eyes, and he saw Remus – back at the dark passageway, when his thumb brushed over those soft, warm lips…  
“That’s what I’m talking about,” said Maggie against his mouth as her grip on his cock tightened. She then jumped off the desk and went to her knees, taking Sirius’ entire length into her mouth. Closing his eyes, he thought about Remus again. The moment when he went down to retrieve the map, when they both froze for a second, clearly feeling the sexual tension. Or was it all just his imagination?  
Whatever it was, Sirius let himself fantasize now. He imagined Remus reaching not for the map, but for his trousers. He imagined Remus’ lips around his cock, and as Maggie expertly moved her mouth in the perfect rhythm, he imagined burying his fingers in Remus’ hair.  
Finally, he reached climax and dared to open his eyes. Maggie proudly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, beaming. She watched him as he caught his breath, as if waiting for him to say something. He had nothing to tell her.  
"Well, that was fun," she said at last, "maybe next time we can do something more - "  
“Definitely,” Sirius cut her off as he gathered his clothes, “sounds wonderful.”

* * *

“Finally,” Remus smiled as James and Peter walked into the room, “we were worried that the side effects might last forever. You missed all of the fun from your own prank!”  
“This is a disaster,” James complained as he jumped onto his bed, “not only did we miss the fun part of pulling such a fantastic prank, not only did we get detention from McGonagall until FURTHER NOTICE, which isn’t even a set period of time! But we also missed the full moon. I feel like a wanker, Moony, I’m sorry.”  
“Me too,” said Peter, “we didn’t know that would happen.”  
“I know,” Remus smiled kindly, “it’s alright, Sirius and I got through it.”  
James looked over at Sirius, who was staring at the wall, lost in thought.

“What’s wrong with him?” James asked Remus.  
“Oh, that,” Remus sighed, “I think it has something to do with Maggie. He hasn’t talked to me for the past… I don’t know, day or so.”  
“WHAT?” James got up at once, staring at Sirius in bewilderment.  
Grabbing a pillow, he approached Sirius’ bed with determination.  
“You’re letting _some girl_ bring your spirits down, you idiot?” he threw the pillow at Sirius, finally shaking him out of his state.  
“Oi!” Sirius called, taking hold of the pillow, “it’s not about Mary, alright?”  
“Clearly not, if you still can't remember her name,” Remus muttered.  
“Good,” said James, “then talk to us. What’s wrong with you? Why are you sulking?”  
“I’m not,” Sirius sat up, throwing the pillow back at James, “can’t a person be lost in thought?”  
“Oh yes, I suppose a person can be,” said James, “but certainly not you. It’s not like you, stop this ‘thinking’ nonsense and come back to us.”  
“Fine,” Sirius shook his head a little, “so the whole prank was useless?”  
“Are you kidding? The whole school is still talking about it. And we were invited to a party in the Hufflepuff Common Room tomorrow!”  
“We? Do you mean all of us?” asked Remus, not too enthusiastic.  
“Yes,” said James, “and we’re all going. You’ve all been a bit too tense lately, we need to loosen up.”  
“You definitely don’t need any more loosening up,” said Peter.  
“Very funny,” said James, “but I’m only going because Lily will be there.”  
“Oh, good,” Remus smiled, “I won’t be lonely then.”  
“What? No, I’m going to spend the time with her.”  
“That’s hardly fair,” said Remus, “you lot always abandon me at parties. Sirius will probably be snogging Maggie, Peter has Beatrice. If you take away Lily, I’ll be stuck in the corner sipping on my butterbeer like some lonely loser all night long.”  
“I promise I’ll set you up with some company,” James resolved, “but I need this bonding time with Evans. She almost likes me, I can feel it in my bones.”  
“Yeah, one bone in particular,” Peter snickered.  
“Watch it,” James raised the pillow in his hand, “I’m armed.”  
Peter attacked him with his own pillow, and what started as a vicious pillow fight ended up being a wrestling match on the floor, with Sirius returning to his staring at the wall and Remus pretending to read a book as he secretly glanced at Sirius, worried.

* * *

The next day they all attended the party in the Hufflepuff Common Room, which was already wild when they arrived. As expected, Peter immediately went to talk to Beatrice and Remus found himself in a nice conversation with Lily Evans. That is, until James convinced her to dance with him and left him instead with some scrawny Ravenclaw boy who looked slightly lost. The boy introduced himself as Chris, but he didn’t say much else, and Remus felt exactly as he expected to feel – all alone.

“Have you seen my friend Sirius?” he asked, hoping that perhaps he could take Sirius aside and have a talk with him.  
“Sirius Black? Yeah,” said Chris, “I think I saw him snogging some girl in the corner. There he is,” he pointed at a couple sitting in an armchair at the other side of the room, “and I think that is… Bianca? It’s hard to say.”  
Remus sighed. Even though he was used to Sirius snogging everything that had a pulse, the sight of it made his stomach turn every single time.  
“I think I’m going to leave,” said Remus quietly, “sorry Chris, I just don’t like parties.”  
“It’s okay,” Chris shrugged, “although I thought we could… You know, go somewhere quiet, get to know each other better.”  
Remus was surprised at the offer. “Wait, you mean you..?”  
“Interested in you, yes,” Chris smiled, “but the feeling is clearly not mutual.”  
“You’re very nice,” Remus tried, “it’s just that – “  
“It’s okay, I get it,” Chris smiled bitterly, “I may be unlucky, but at least I’m not the one pining for Sirius Black.”  
At that, Chris left, and Remus found himself alone and deeply embarrassed. Not only that, but now he was in panic – was it that obvious? Was he really pining? The whole thing was so frustrating that he couldn’t take it any longer. He left the party and went to sleep early, trying to forget all of his sorrows with the help of sweet dreams.

* * *

An entire month went by with Sirius very obviously avoiding Remus. He hoped that nobody would notice, of course. He didn’t want anyone asking too many questions. He couldn’t explain it even if he tried.  
It wasn’t that he didn’t like girls. He did. He really, really did. He wasn’t the guy who would say no to sex with a girl, especially when half of the girls in Hogwarts wanted him in their pants. So that’s what he concentrated on. For an entire month he drank too much alcohol, attended all of the parties and slept with every piece of skirt that came his way. And every single time he couldn’t even get an erection without thinking of Remus, and every single time he felt incredibly guilty about it, and he couldn’t even look his friend in the eye anymore.  
And Remus noticed. Of course he noticed, he never got such terrible treatment from Sirius in his entire life. He was so used to him being there. Always playful, always silly and funny, always supportive. And now, Sirius was never there. He was off doing whatever, never giving an explanation, barely offering a “good morning” once in a while.

But the last straw was the night of the full moon. Remus, James and Peter were all in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius wasn’t there.  
“He’ll be here,” said James for the thousandth time. He sounded more as if he was trying to convince himself.  
“I don’t think so,” said Remus, “he clearly doesn’t want to be around me anymore.”  
“What’s up with the two of you anyway?” Peter asked quietly.  
“I don’t know!” Remus snapped at him, “ask him! I did nothing wrong, he just started acting like a prick all of a sudden.”  
“It’s not like him,” said James with concern, “if he’s mad at you, that’s one thing. But not showing up for the full moon? Without even saying anything? I don’t care what kind of Drama you two are going through, he should still be here.”  
James was right, and the fact that he acknowledged this hurt Remus so badly, he wasn’t able to talk anymore. As the full moon appeared, Remus let out all of his pain in his wolf form. He howled louder than ever before, he threw himself wildly at trees and attacked them relentlessly, and despite the efforts of his two friends he got quite a few cuts and bruises in his fit of rage.  
  
In the morning, as they all gathered their things in complete silence, Sirius Black appeared in the Shack. He was a complete mess. He looked as if he hadn’t had any sleep in the last five days, and he had the most guilty expression a human being can have on his face. The other three stared at him in silence.  
“I need to... I need to speak to Remus, please,” he managed to say, his voice weak.  
James made a step towards the door, then stopped right in front of Sirius. “We’ll talk about this later,” he told him. They looked at each other for a long moment. James gave him a look that was both stern and compassionate, in a way that only he could pull off.  
“Come on, Wormtail,” he said at last and the two of them left. Remus and Sirius were alone now, staring at each other.  
“I know you’re upset with me,” Sirius began, his voice unsteady, but Remus interrupted.  
  
“No,” he said firmly, “shut up. You don’t get to speak before I do. A month – a whole month! I beat myself up constantly, trying to figure out a way to talk to you, to get to you. You’ve been avoiding me, and even though you said it doesn’t have anything to do with me, I know it does. I know that you feel uncomfortable around me. I’ve noticed that every time we’re left alone together you try to get away, every time I so much as accidentally touch you, you flinch. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m gay, or whether I did something specific to set you off… I’m honestly sorry if I did, but you know what? Fuck you. James said something last night – he said that no matter what drama we got ourselves into, you should’ve been here. And he’s right. It’s okay if you don’t want to be alone with me, it’s okay if you’re uncomfortable around me for whatever reason. But once a month, I need you to be there for me. I need my friend, Padfoot, who knows how to treat me, and calm me down, and comfort me when I’m… When I’m the Me that I hate. I never forced you into this, and if you ever feel like this is too much for you, I get it. But say something! Tell me, communicate with me! Let me know that you can’t do this anymore, that…” Remus’ voice cracked and he had to take a breath before continuing, “that you don’t want to be my friend anymore. I’ll take it. I’ll take anything, no matter how much it hurts. But don’t just abandon me like that.”

As he listened, Sirius stood so still that he almost looked like a statue.  
“I’m so sorry,” he began in half a whisper, “I’m unworthy of your forgiveness no matter how much remorse I feel. I’ve been such… A selfish idiot. I made you think terrible things about me, which is fine. But I made you think terrible things about _yourself,_ and for that I have no excuse. I have abandoned you, like a coward, leaving you to deal…” Sirius shook his head, hardly able to keep talking, “but I guess I have to explain it to you. I owe you that much.”  
He paused, and Remus listened intently, eagerly waiting to hear the explanation that Sirius had for all of this.  
“The reason why I’ve been avoiding you,” Sirius’ voice trembled, “it wasn’t because I’m uncomfortable around you. And it definitely has nothing to do with your sexuality. It’s way more selfish than that. The thing is… And I’m sorry in advance if I ruin everything by saying this, but I think I’ve already done too much damage anyway. Lately, I’ve been experiencing…”  
“Please don’t pull that shit on me again,” said Remus quietly, “if you’re going to say that you were having thoughts and that it’s about some girl – “  
“No, it’s not that,” Sirius could barely keep his voice steady, “listen. When we were in that secret passage, in the dark… There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to kiss you on the lips.”  
It felt as if Remus’ heart fell to the floor and broke through it, burying itself in the depths of the earth. He froze, staring at Sirius in disbelief.  
“Yes,” Sirius couldn’t handle to look at Remus, “that’s the reason. I’ve had a massive crush on you the entire time. It became painful for me to be around you. Every time we were left alone I ran away, because I couldn’t trust myself to refrain from acting on it. Every time you touched me I flinched, because your touch is like electricity to me. This whole month I tried to avoid you, to shake it off, to take it out on girls… But nothing worked. Nothing. I’m so very sorry, Remus. I tried my hardest, I really didn’t want this to ruin our friendship. I thought that it was for your own good. But I can’t. I’m being honest with you right now, I can’t get over you no matter what I do. So there you have it.”

Remus took four steps forward and launched himself violently at Sirius. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to punch him in the face or kiss him, but before he could make a conscious decision, his lips caught Sirius’ with painful determination. His fingers found long, dark locks of hair to entangle themselves with. His hot breath became one with Sirius’. They kissed hungrily, with urgency, as if the fate of the world depended on that single kiss. Sirius slowed down for a moment, coming to his senses.   
“Wait, wait, Remus,” he said, pausing the kiss but not pulling away, “I don’t understand. Do you..?”  
“All this time,” Remus breathed heavily, “all this time… And you didn’t tell me, _you absolute arse._ This could all be avoided if you just talked to me.”  
“You... Wanted it?”  
“Isn’t that obvious? A guy I met in that Hufflepuff party told me I was pining after you, and we only said approximately eleven words to each other.”

At that, Sirius resumed the kiss, with even more force than before. Remus felt Sirius’ strong arms seize him by the hips and the next thing he knew - his back slammed into the wall behind him. He breathed into Sirius’ mouth, tugging lightly at his hair, enjoying every moment. It was exactly what he needed, what he thought about so many times before, yet nothing could compete with reality. Even in his wildest fantasies Sirius wasn’t as urgent, as demanding and yet as caring and loving as he was while they were making out against that wall. Their bodies pressed tightly against each other, the heat making both of their faces flush. Sirius’ hot lips moved along Remus' jaw and down to his neck, unbuttoning his shirt with trembling fingers. Remus helped him by shrugging the shirt off his shoulders and then reached forward to deal with Sirius’ buttons, all while Sirius was concentrating on kissing his shoulders and collar bones.

Remus bit down on his lip as Sirius reached to unbuckle his belt. He was both excited and nervous, not sure what to expect yet anticipating relief for all of the sexual tension built inside of him. His trousers then fell to the floor and he stepped out of them, meeting Sirius’ mouth again with his own.  
He felt Sirius’ hands moving from his neck down his torso, eagerly rubbing his skin, studying his body. Those hands hesitated slightly as they met the waistband of Remus’ underwear. Sirius stopped the kiss but didn’t pull back, resting his forehead against Remus’. Their breaths were still hot as they looked at each other questioningly.  
“Are you okay?” Remus’ voice trembled. “Yes,” Sirius breathed back, “are you?”

Remus nodded slightly. Then a smile spread across Sirius’ lips and he went down to his knees, not breaking eye contact with Remus. His face was now extremely close to the bulge in Remus’ white boxers, and Remus was almost embarrassed by how ridiculously sexy he thought this situation was. Gently, Sirius placed a kiss over Remus’ boxers, making Remus release a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He could feel Sirius' hot mouth through the fabric, teasing him, an amazing sensation yet so far from being enough. He watched Sirius intently as he finally removed Remus’ underwear completely, and was now facing his fully naked cock. There was a moment of hesitation, and Remus' heart started racing. He didn't want Sirius to do anything he might be uncomfortable with, and he hoped very hard that it wasn't the case. Having Sirius' seductive lips so close to his exposed erection was a special kind of torture, and the moment Sirius finally opened his mouth to welcome Remus' cock into it was a sensational relief. Remus immediately gasped with pleasure, shutting his eyes to focus on the wonderful feeling. Sirius was experimenting, and he moved slowly at first. It didn't matter, since Remus was so overwhelmed by this new sensation of wetness and heat that he was struggling to control himself even at that point. Sirius picked up the pace then, but he struggled to keep a steady rhythm. Instinctively, Remus reached to grab a fistful of his hair and guide him. This, combined with the soft moans of pleasure that he kept breathing out, seemed to encourage Sirius. He experimented with the pressure, with the movement of his tongue, with taking Remus' cock even deeper. He tried whatever he could think of, and he kept raising his eyes to watch Remus' face, which at this point presented a variety of expressions, all boosting Sirius' confidence. Remus didn't last long, not with how long it's been since he had a sexual interaction of any sort, and certainly not with how eager to please Sirius was. He barely managed to give Sirius a breathless warning before his orgasm washed over him in waves of perfect bliss. A final moan escaped his throat, loud and content.   
  
He looked down at Sirius and only then did he see that Sirius’ hand was down in his own trousers, working his own cock with determination. Sinking to the floor, Remus pressed a hot kiss to Sirius’ neck as he reached down to replace Sirius’ hand with his own. Taking a firm hold of the other’s cock, he started stroking it, attempting to mimic the rhythm Sirius was keeping before. It didn’t take long for Sirius to finish as well, and they both found themselves just sitting on the floor, resting their foreheads against each other, breathing heavily in silence.  
Sirius let out a small laugh.  
“What’s funny?” Remus asked with a curious smile.  
“Nothing,” Sirius waved a hand, “I just remembered that James gave me that stern ‘We’re going to talk about it’ before he left. He’s going to give me a lecture about how I’m being a wanker. And I just imagined his face when he finds out.”  
Remus grimaced. “Do we have to tell them?”  
Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Do you want to keep this a secret?”  
“No,” Remus sighed as he started gathering his clothes, “I don’t mean it like that. It’s just – this is so new. I mean, we _just_ found out that we’re both attracted to each other. We don’t even know what this is. Telling others before we figure it out – “  
“I didn’t say we have to tell them right this moment,” said Sirius, “but it’ll be hard for me to pretend as if we’re just friends now, after all this.”  
“You’re a good actor,” Remus commented with a smirk, “but you won’t have to. You don’t have to avoid me anymore, enough of that. Just… No big announcements. That’s it.”  
“I can do that,” Sirius grinned.

* * *

Remus and Sirius were laughing quietly as they entered the dormitory, completely forgetting that James and Peter left them in a time of tension and hurt. It took them a moment to realize why both of their friends looked at them with such confusion.  
Remus opened his mouth to explain, but Peter cut him off.  
“They totally shagged each other,” he said, “I can’t believe it.”  
James was about to dismiss the ridiculous comment when he noticed the look between his two friends, and his jaw dropped.  
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME,” he yelled, “I thought you two were going to kill each other, I was worried sick! For the first time in my life I thought I’d have to give Sirius the _What-You’re-Doing-Is-Wrong_ talk! And you two were SHAGGING this whole time?”  
“We weren’t shagging,” said Sirius, “but we… We’re cool. Right?” he turned to Remus.  
“In light of new evidence that I was presented with, I have decided to pardon this idiot for his crimes,” said Remus, “so in other words, yes.”  
“Merlin’s balls,” said James, “you two are driving me mad. No more drama, alright? Knock it off. Also, no shagging in front of us. We don’t want to see something that might traumatize us for life.”  
“We weren’t going to,” said Remus.  
“Well…” Sirius began, but Remus interrupted. “WE WEREN’T GOING TO.”

* * *

 That night, Remus found it hard to fall asleep. He was filled with excitement and happiness, and he couldn’t recall the last time he felt this way. The curtain around his bed opened suddenly and he could see the dark silhouette of Sirius Black. Remus pulled himself up, confused.

“Make some room for me, will you,” Sirius whispered as he got under the covers with him. They both lay down then, facing each other in the darkness.  
“What’s going on?” Remus whispered, a little worried that Sirius changed his mind or something of the sort.  
“I think we need to talk,” Sirius said, “you know, about us. I know you said that we’re not sure what this is yet, but… I’m pretty sure. I know what I want.”  
Remus breathed out slowly, “and what is it that you want?”  
“You,” he could just barely see the outlines of a smile on Sirius’ lips, “I want you. And nothing else. Nobody else.”  
“You want us to be… In a relationship? Exclusive?”  
“Well, I mean… I figured you might not want that, because you seemed a little uncertain. I guess we can work it out somehow. But I thought I should let you know, that’s what I want.”  
“Sirius Black,” Remus whispered in wonder, “the one who said the sentence _‘I don’t do girlfriends’_ more times than I can count, the well known flirt, the one who shagged half the girls in Hogwarts…”  
“Well, yeah,” Sirius shrugged, “it’s different this time. This is more than just a one-time thing for me. I don’t want it to be temporary. So what do you say?”

Instead of answering that, Remus pulled Sirius into a sweet kiss. Their limbs got all tangled with each other, their fingertips touched skin and their breaths mingled together.  
“Does that mean you agree?” Sirius whispered against his lips.  
“I’m pretty sure it does,” Remus smiled, “it’s clearly not a one-time thing.”  
“IF YOU WANKERS DON'T SHUT UP RIGHT THIS SECOND, I WILL MAKE THIS THE _VERY-LAST-TIME-THING_ OF YOUR _LIFE_ ,” they heard James grunt.  
“What does that even mean?” Sirius raised his eyebrows.  
“It means I’ll use the killing curse on you. Go the fuck to sleep.”  
Sirius snickered, but said nothing in response. They looked at each other for a long moment before Sirius sighed and turned to leave.  
Remus caught him by the wrist. They looked at each other again, and a silent agreement was formed.  
Sirius relaxed against Remus as they cuddled, finally closing their eyes.  
The two of them slowly drifted into sleep, their bodies pressed tightly against each other, for once in their life feeling safe and content.


End file.
